is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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