Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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