I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
