I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
