So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
