i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Your penis caused this!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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