i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
