oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize