omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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