Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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