If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
