Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
