I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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