pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
