my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
