soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
