She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she peed on how many people?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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