I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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