when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
