Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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