i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
