so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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