Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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