Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
