Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
