Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
