Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
