Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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