Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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