I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
