2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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