Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
