I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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