on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
