i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
