Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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