There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
