Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
