Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize