You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
