The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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