Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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