I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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