So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
