I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
