I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
