Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
