I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
