Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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