we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
