Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
