Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
