Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
