I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize