Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
