Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
