i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
