so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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