We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
