i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
