Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize