I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
