I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
