Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
