god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
