you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
