I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
