You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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