And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
