i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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