3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it's like iHOP with fire
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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