remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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