hotel room ftw
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
