Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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