Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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