My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
