I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
