I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
