Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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