I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
