sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize