Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
