TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize