and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
