dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
