I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
