I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
