can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
