God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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