apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
