Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
