At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I met the friendliest cop last night
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
