Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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