all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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