I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
