I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize