So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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