i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it hurts more in the daytime
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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