and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
