Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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