I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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