It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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