i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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