Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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