You're my little dorito
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he shaved USA in his pubs
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
