Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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