I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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